Parent teacher interview

Monday was our first ever parent-teacher interview to discuss Roman's progress.

Overall, he's doing pretty well. Lots of M's for "Meets Expectations" and some A's for "Approaching Expectations". When it comes to learning based things he's Ms all the way but some of the social things, things that require independence or self sufficiency, things that require him to come out of his shell are all in the A category.

Madame (he's in French Immersion) gave a specific example where the class was playing music. All the kids were excited and all got rhythm sticks except Roman who simply watched. He was smiling and seemed to be enjoying himself, just not actually participating. This is how it's always been for him. He also gets all wiggly and weird when Madame has one on one teaching time with him.

All his academic stuff is an M - he can count to 12 in French and sing the alphabet song with some prompts. We clarified that the prompting is not because he needs help with his letters but that he's reluctant to sing.

We did, however, resolve the backpack issue. We bought Roman a crocodile shaped backpack - distinctive, rugged and just the right size for a small person. Often he's come home saying, "Madame says I need a bigger backpack". I'd say, "Tell Madame your backpack is just the right size for you." Turns out it's not actually the pack that's the issue, it's that Roman can't pack it himself. They have a notebook that goes back and forth every day, random projects and they're expected to put their lunch box in too. This all fits in Croco but only with adult help.

So we spent time Tuesday finding a good backpack for Roman. Turns out plain black that he can 'share with Mama' for ten bucks at Walmart does the trick. Not even cars are needed. He seems happy enough and he can do it himself.

Roman has also, according to Madame, improved a lot in attitude when facing moments of forced independence. Seems that in the early days, when he was faced with things like zipping up his coat he'd burst into tears. Madame described it as if he saw the task as this huge insurmountable ordeal. She's been coaching him that moments like that are not something to cry over but rather a time to ask for help. She says she can now see the wheels turning when he's faced with a challenge - I'm gonna cry.. oh... wait. I'll ask for help.

That, within two months of random school days, is certainly a significant improvement.

Halloween is tomorrow at school and he was going to be a dragon. Until he saw the costume we have. I think he didn't want to have to put it on himself. I suggested maybe he wanted to be a cat. That we could draw a nose and whiskers on his face and he'd be all set for the day. This was met with great enthusiasm.

Until I brought home the ears. Now he doesn't want anything to do with Halloween. Doesn't want to go to school. Doesn't want to wear the ears or even the black pants we bought so he could be the black cat he specified.

I'm beginning to suspect that it's anything that might draw attention to himself that makes him uncomfortable. Kevin says Roman sounds more and more like him. Grandma says so too.

The odd thing? He loves The Little Gym. He runs, he jumps, he does forward and backward rolls and never an issue. Most of the kids each week do the activities and fun play and he's always in the thick of it. He started at TLG in the summer so it predates school but I'm having a hard time figuring out what motivates him there that doesn't at school... other than it being one hour a week not 6 in a day...

It's hard to watch him grow up and not know how to bring him out of his shell. He seems to be enjoying things in his own way but how much MORE fun would he be having if he would just dive in there once in a while?

Doggie Days

A few months ago we decided it was time to look at getting a dog.

Every few weeks I would peruse the 'Give or Donate" section of Kijiji just to see what was out there but we were never quite ready. Eventually we had 'the talk' and Kevin revealed he likes border collies but wasn't too keen on their reputation for being intense and overly active. Neither was I.

I can't remember how we got there but decided an Australian Shepherd would be a good option - smart, smaller, family oriented and cute as anything... oh and no big waggy tail to fwap my little one in the face! Yes. That's a technical term - fwap. Also spelled Phwap...

We decided to go through a rescue organization and filled out all the paperwork. Our vet check went well which was lucky. We don't have a current vet but our Toronto vet must have said all the right things. Of course we didn't have kids at the time so invested more money into our cats' care including more extreme measures for Blue than we might take now that they're 16 years old. Our references also checked out and, we finally had our home visit yesterday.

Jane brought her dog Ziggy who was beautiful and very well behaved. After just a few minutes of chit chat I asked Jane what she needed to see or know and she said, "Nothing. You're approved. Ziggy has approved so you're approved." Wow. Seems the biggest thing about the home visit is to see that we are who we say we are and that we have what we say we have. We said we owned our house, had a small business on the property and have some acreage including a good sized backyard. Since she could see all those things right away as well as how the kids were with Ziggy, it was all pretty quick. Ziggy seemed to appreciate the hedged area and took a little while before she was more willful and adventurous.

Lauren was happy and didn't mind the few face snuffles. Roman was non-committal. He smiled but, as is his usual way, with something and someone new in our space, he was more reserved.

Jane was generous with her time and spent an hour answering our questions about care, feeding, activities, etc. At one point Ziggy wandered off to explore. When she didn't come at Jane's call, I went to look for her. Ziggy had wandered through the garden and all the way out to barn three. She came right away when I called her and even sat at the gate when I told her to. I was impressed with her and a bit with myself. I felt calm and assertive and Ziggy responded appropriately. I can do this.

With winter coming so quickly we've decided to wait until spring to adopt any dog. I expect most of the work will fall to me, which is fine, but I'm not prepared to start walking a dog twice a day in the cold and dark. There were actually days when I thought the whole idea of a dog was out the window. Having spent time with Jane and Ziggy, I'm convinced an aussie is the right choice for us and going through the rescue is the best match. Jane knows we need a lower energy dog that is good with kids, senior cats, is house trained and is smaller in size to accommodate Lauren's slower growth. She also knows we need to wait til spring with the caveat that if the perfect dog comes along, we're happy to have it any time. We'll adjust. I'm still not sure sometimes whether I'm prepared for a dog but that's mostly at night when I'm tired and it's already dark. Other times, like today when it was warm and sunny, being outside to play would be enjoyable. We're not in a hurry which works to our benefit. Jane will be able to find the perfect pooch for us.

Roman's already said he'll help me feed the dog, brush its fur and play with it.

So now we wait til spring or till the perfect furry Ferrier comes along.

Time space continuum

For the last few weeks we have been a house of contagion. I call it the 'horse flu' and it comes complete with Clydesdales, wagon and casks of beer running us over at high speed. First me, then Lauren, now Kevin and unless I get really really lucky, by tomorrow, Roman is going to feel completely miserable.

Meanwhile, life has carried on. We had a nice Thanksgiving though quieter than expected and finally have the garlic bulbs planted for next spring.

We've also been moved off the waiting list for speech therapy and into active treatment. Two weeks ago we met with Meghan who assessed that Lauren is a delayed in her language acquisition but that she has a good foundation. Within the hour we were there, Lauren learned the sign for "open" and since then has thoroughly grasped the concept of when to use it. Meghan was also pleasantly surprised when Lauren asked for "More doggie" using a sign for more and saying doggie. It's putting two words together and apparently unexpected for Lauren's stage of development. I should have clarified whether asking for something paired with "please" counts as putting words together because Lauren does that regularly. The "please" is a sign but it's still a word.

What's encouraging is that Meghan sees signed words and spoken words as equal. They all count and the combined use is the same as pairing all spoken words.

Our next step, which was surprising for me, is not regular appointments with Meghan but group lessons for parents. I will have one hour sessions, once a week for six weeks, with other parents, during the day, without kids. Pardon?? I understand the concept - teaching me how to teach my child - all good. But I'm a stay at home mom. I don't have regular day care set up and I don't have an 'hour here hour there' babysitter. Not only do I not have these things for Lauren but I don't have them for Roman either. On the days I have a session and Roman is not in school, I need to find someone to care for both of them for the hour. What a P.I.T.A. Ultimately Kevin will likely be able to work things out with his schedule but that's simply because things are relatively quiet for his work at the moment. It seems that once again the stay at home mom gets the shaft. But I'll save that rant for another day.

When our six week session is done we'll start group sessions with affected kids included. This will be interesting. I'm curious to see what brings the other kids to speech therapy. It's not likely there will be any other kids with Noonan Syndrome but perhaps something else unique will pop up. I wonder too if there will be parents I can relate to and kids Lauren enjoys being with.

On the med front, Lauren seems to be doing really well with the Nexium (Prevacid for reflux). She's happy to take the medicine in the morning and (knock on wood) we haven't had to supplement with Ranitidine (Zantac) for at least a week. She's also been sleeping a bit more consistently this week, waking only once in the night. She's up for an hour or more in that time but at least it's only once. We'll see if this keeps up or if it's somehow tied to the horse flu. It is nice to see improvement no matter the source. It gives me hope that perhaps, just maybe I might someday be rested again.

Interestingly, we remember Roman going through a phase like this - being up for a hour or so in the middle of the night. He was about 15 or 16 months old at the time which reinforces for me the idea that Lauren is about four months behind Roman's development pattern. This four month period has been consistent throughout Lauren's entire (short) life. We saw it most clearly with her starting solids, when she was finally weaned and when she started to walk - all about four months behind Roman's record. Knowing there's a four month difference gives us context. Roman started sleeping through the night on his own at two years. Based on Lauren's current pattern, I won't expect this to happen until she's four months past her second birthday. I continue to hope she'll surprise me and start things earlier but so far, I'll take consistency.

Otherwise, things move along. We're moving into the cold season - both weatherwise and healthwise and, fingers crossed, both of them will be kinder to us this year than last.

How much is that doggie in the window...

Contentment

A few years ago, when we left the big city but I still commuted daily by train, I was expecting Roman. It was expected by most that I napped on the train to and/or from work. It was, after all, nearly 2 hours each way by the time the usual delays were taking into account.

What no one knew was that I've never been able to sleep somewhere that wasn't my home or that of a friend or family. I don't nap in public places. Not on planes, not on trains, and not ever in a park.

It's simply because I don't have enough trust in the world to relax enough.

Today, as Lauren fell asleep on my chest at nap time, she had one arm draped around Doggie and the other down my left side. Her head was turned to her right and she was contentedly snoring.

And I marveled at her simplicity. Her perfection and her absolute trust that Mama is here, it's safe, I can sleep.

We've always co-slept to some degree with our children. It's been good for them and now I see how it's good for me.

It gives me a chance to surrender to the simplicities of life and trust.

The snores from a little girl reminding me that, for at least this moment, all is safe and good.